Friday, April 30, 2010

On The Ability Of Our Politicians To Perform Simple Tasks

Some of you may have been wondering how I have been spending my time since I dropped out of the last presidential election.  I have no first hand knowledge of said wondering as no one has directly asked me that question, but I believe it to be a natural assumption.  As I refuse to answer my phone or check my mailbox, I am unaware of any attempts to query me for such information.  So, I can reasonably assume that many of you have done so.  Regardless, I will tell you anyway.

Despite the numerous well thought out and universally beneficial proposals I had made during the last election, I have found that not a single one has been implemented by the current administration.

I have carefully observed the state of the world and have concluded that, as the kids today would say, it is effed up.  I'm not sure what that expression means, but I have had it directed at myself sufficient times to deduce that it indicates a problematic situation.

In order to correct this terrible wrong, I have taken it upon myself to write detailed letters to business and political leaders giving them the benefit of my insight and experience and explaining to them how they are, for all intents and purposes, idiots and what they should do instead.  Surprisingly, I have not had a single response from any of the 6,143 letters I have written over this period.

Given the apparent ineffectiveness of this approach, I have decided to take my cause directly to the people, despite the general tendency of the people to be absolute morons. 

Today, I would like to address a problem which is, to me, particularly irritating.

The American people have a propensity to elect people who they like.  Who they would enjoy spending time with and could, if the circumstances allowed it, be friends.  People who they are comfortable with.  Who they can feel equal to, or possibly, better than.

The American people are wrong.

Let us look, for a moment, at one manifestation of this problem.

Americans, as a whole, are incapable of using basic math.  The Department of Education’s National Assessment of Adult Literacy found, for example, that when testing adults "only 42 percent were able to pick out two items on a menu, add them, and calculate a tip".  Appalling.

Yet this pales in comparison to the resultant problem we encounter when we elect officials no more capable than ourselves.

Recently, a situation occurred in an east coast town where town officials were incapable of determining the outcome of the vote because they were unable to correctly calculate what constituted a 2/3 majority.

It doesn't get much simpler than this people.

More shockingly, it appears that the entire administration of this town lacks basic math skills.  According to the article, the official in question "called several of her colleagues to see how they calculate a two-thirds vote, and the answer varied widely".

I propose that we immediately institute entrance exams for politicians.  The GRE test for graduate school seems to me to be a reasonable choice.  I would not want to be governed by someone unable to demonstrate that they were able to graduate from a four year college and actually show some results from that experience.

Statistically speaking, it is altogether likely that a great many of you readers out there are not particularly bright.  It very may well be that you can not calculate a tip or properly select a candidate for government office.  You may also not be able to follow my very compelling argument that I have just laid out for you.  So I must ask you to trust me and to write your congressperson demanding that my above proposal be put into effect so that we will no longer have to suffer politicians who are no more intelligent than yourself.

Think about it.

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